headquarters
a middle school entrepreneur-club project that grew into a real company
president
age hams started as a project for owen's middle school entrepreneur club.
he won his school's shark tank contest and also went on to win 3rd place at a regional competition and then age hams became a real company so much
owen is in college now good job owen
coo
brian is owen's step-dad and helped owen work on age hams for his project and then to turn it into the real company version and also he does other things too
for example he can often be found in the parking lot of cvs or walgreens watching avengers: endgame audience reaction videos and crying
vp of marketing
joey takes all of the photographies for age hams and also he decides when to make the different ads happen
he also likes to give so many licks and jump on people and steal food right off of the table and the garbage truck makes him crazy
dog lawyer
blue is the age hams dog lawyer and that means he goes to court and is always suing people and then if someone sues us he also goes to court
blue loves graham crackers and going outside at 3am because he thinks a raccoon might be trying to get the garbage and he thinks he can sue the raccoon for that
sales director
this turtle is in charge of all of our sales channels and using charisma to convince people they need to be buying our great products
slim insisted on a nice glamour photo in a colorful void chamber
that is so exciting for yooh to know about and another trivia fact is slim has a small bicycle that he rides around his tank on and it is so cute to watch him do that especially because there is a little horn on his bike and he likes to honk the horn
vp of operations
teri keeps every element of the age hams business running like trains when they are on time and she even has a tattoo of a train with a clock next to it on her shoulder
teri always says she played catwoman in the last batman movie and even though everyone knows it is not true her stories about making the movie are so exciting and interesting that it is okey
human resources
nobody knows anything about janice but she is really good at her job even with all of her secrets
one thing is for sure and that is janice has a car and we know that because we see her come and go in it to work and one time we tried to follow her but she definitely noticed because she did evasive maneuvers and went into a tunnel and that was that because janice knew we are afraid to drive in tunnels because she did her research
oh also we are the next guy we wrote all of these profiles
social media mgr
hugh is in charge of all of our social media and that means he posts joey's photographies on instagram and the other places and writes the captions, etc and he also writes all of our marketing emails and texts
if yooh are ever exchanging messages with anyone from age hams it is probably hugh so feel free to ask him about his other job as a famous actor
for example he loves to share stories about the time he was the greatest show-man and also the times he was wolverine
hugh's favorite role of his own was as stanley in 2001's swordfish
creative director
anika is the brains behind all of our card designs and our ham stamps and tents and packaging and etc
another fun fact about anika is that she is the 506th ranked chess player in the world and while that is actually last place in the chess league it is pretty great to be ranked and probably means she is better than almost everyone else in the world but still by some metrics she is the actual worst chess player in the world
the whole thing is so complex we just do not talk to her about it ever even though we all want to so much
materials engineer
sara is always pushing to improve the integrity of the age ham cards and hams and stickers with her exciting experiments in the materials lab
yooh might remember that sara won season 7 of the great british baking show and that is because she is british and can cook and then another thing sara likes is going to the store
customer service
liza appears to be a group of 20-30 different people who all come in on separate days saying they are liza and doing her job perfectly and also remembering what the other lizas said and did when they were here and who knows what is happening but people like our customer service a lot so that is fine
also janice says she is going to look into this but she is off on one of her mysterious personal days again
shipping manager
jey is so silly with all of her different masks and her special voices she does and her weapons collection and how she does not have a social security number or fingerprints and "what a goof" is something everyone says about her
jey's favorite food is apples
