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team

okey here is everyone that works at age hams

owen shakelton

president

age hams started as a project for owen's middle school entrepreneur club.

 

he won his school's shark tank contest and also went on to win 3rd place at a regional competition and then age hams became a real company so much

brian spaeth

coo

brian is owen's step-dad and helped owen work on age hams for his project and then to turn it into the aforementioned real company and also he does other things too

 

for example he can often be found in the parking lot of cvs or walgreens watching avengers: endgame audience reaction videos and crying

joey

vp of marketing

joey takes all of the photographies for age hams and also he decides when to make the different ads happen

 

he also likes to give so many licks and jump on people and steal food right off of the table and the garbage truck makes him crazy


blue

dog lawyer

blue is the age hams dog lawyer and that means he goes to court and is always suing people and then if someone sues us he also goes to court

 

blue loves graham crackers and going outside at 3am because he thinks a raccoon might be trying to get the garbage and he thinks he can sue the raccoon for that

mary masonhead

cfo

mary has a poster of money dollars on her wall and that is there because she likes keeping track of the company's money dollars so much

 

when she is not counting the age hams money dollars mary likes to exercise and she can bench press 245 pounds two times. only the first time has perfect form but that is still so strong what in the world

teri bayles

vp of operations

teri keeps every element of the age hams business running like trains when they are on time and she even has a tattoo of a train with a clock next to it on her shoulder

 

teri always says she played catwoman in the last batman movie and even though everyone knows it is not true her stories about making the movie are so exciting and interesting that it is okey


janice mitchem

human resources

nobody knows anything about janice but she is really good at her job even with all of her secrets

 

one thing is for sure and that is janice has a car and we know that because we see her come and go in it to work and one time we tried to follow her but she definitely noticed because she did evasive maneuvers and went into a tunnel and that was that because janice knew we are afraid to drive in tunnels because she did her research

 

oh also we are the next guy we wrote all of these profiles

hugh jackman

social media mgr

hugh is in charge of all of our social media and that means he posts joey's photographies on instagram and the other places and writes the captions, etc and he also writes all of our marketing emails and texts

 

if yooh are ever exchanging messages with anyone from age hams it is probably hugh so feel free to ask him about his other job as a famous actor

 

for example he loves to share stories about the time he was the greatest show-man and also the times he was wolverine

 

hugh's favorite role of his own was as stanley in 2001's swordfish

anika grace

creative director

anika is the brains behind all of our card designs and our ham stamps and tents and packaging and etc

 

another fun fact about anika is that she is the 506th ranked chess player in the world and while that is actually last place in the chess league it is pretty great to be ranked and probably means she is better than almost everyone else in the world but still by some metrics she is the actual worst chess player in the world 

 

the whole thing is so complex we just do not talk to her about it ever even though we all want to so much


sara price

materials engineer

sara is always pushing to improve the integrity of the age ham cards and hams and stickers with her exciting experiments in the materials lab

 

yooh might remember that sara won season 7 of the great british baking show and that is because she is british and can cook and then another thing sara likes is going to the store

liza torres

customer service

liza appears to be a group of 20-30 different people who all come in on separate days saying they are liza and doing her job perfectly and also remembering what the other lizas said and did when they were here and who knows what is happening but people like our customer service a lot so that is fine

 

also janice says she is going to look into this but she is off on one of her mysterious personal days again

jey mango

shipping manager

jey is so silly with all of her different masks and her special voices she does and her weapons collection and how she does not have a social security number or fingerprints and "what a goof" is something everyone says about her

 

jey's favorite food is apples